Michael Morgan-Retired 30yr Police Officer & Plant based Medicine advocate

Michael grew up in N Bellmore, NY with his parents and younger sister. After graduating from Hofstra University w/ an Accounting degree, he realized before lunch time on his FIRST day at work that an accounting career would NOT be in his future. After some deep introspective thinking, he decided that he needed to make a difference in the world and realized that law enforcement was where his passion lied. He wanted to become an FBI Agent, but they were on a federal hiring freeze at the time so he applied to the Atlanta Police Dep’t where he was hired as a police officer from 1993-2003. In October 2003 Michael accepted a job with his “hometown” Suffolk County Police Dep’t on the east end of Long Island, N.Y. where he worked until October 2022 when he was medically retired after suffering a serious on-duty back injury which required (2) surgeries. Shortly after retiring, Michael began wrestling with feelings of anger, depression, and general unhappiness which plagued him until he watched a Shawn Ryan podcast and realized as he was watching an interview that he was suffering from PTSD. Michael became aware of plant based medicines to cure the various issues that he was suffering from and journeyed with Ayahuasca this past March.
The cathartic, profound changes that occurred as a result of using Ayahuasca, including essentially curing his PTSD on his FIRST journey, led him to become an advocate for both plant-based medicine usage and the military veterans and 1st responders who can benefit most from it. His life is now dedicated to these purposes.

To contact Michael:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theresilientwarrior5778/
Email: mikemorgan@theresilientwarriornation.com

Chapters

• 0:55 Law Enforcement Journey and Mental Health
• 11:34 Healing Through Ayahuasca Experience
• 21:48 Healing Journey Through Plant Medicine
• 25:44 Perspective, Healing, and Integration
• 31:48 Personal Growth and Mindfulness Journey
• 42:05 Challenges in Helping Others Through Healing
• 48:42 Impact of Saving Lives

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:55

Hi Michael, welcome to Quantum Alchemist Mastered Podcast. It's a pleasure to have you here. Please tell us a little bit about you, your journey, how you got to where you are today. Go ahead, the floor is all yours.

Speaker 2: 1:08

Absolutely. First off, thank you for having me. It's an honor to be here. I guess I'll give you just a quick bio myself.

Speaker 2: 1:16

I was born and raised in Long Island, more specifically North Elmore, new York, which is a suburb in Nassau County. That's the composition of the western portion of Long Island, new York and the South Shore. I grew up playing with my parents and my sister Very fun, garrulous kid. If I was a kid today I'm sure they'd be trying to put me on ADHD meds because I had to sit next to the teacher. Third, fourth, fifth and sixth grades. I was a class clown Again, grew up playing sports. That was my love, my passion in life, ended up going to Hofstra University in Long Island, played on their ice hockey team and I graduated with an accounting degree in 1991.

Speaker 2: 2:07

So my story starts there my first day of work in Manhattan at my new accounting job. Supposed to be so excited for this new career that we're embarking on job I was supposed to be so excited for this new career that we were embarking on I was given a task at about 11 am. During that task I actually fell asleep with my head in my hand. Got up from my desk, the kid that was teaching me the ropes was a little strange. So I went over to another kid that I had met earlier. We hit it off. I said what's up, brother, you like this stuff? He said F? No, I hate it. I'm like there is no way that I'm sitting in a cubicle for the next 30 years of my life making no difference to anyone. No one's going to know if I live and died doing this job. I will make no difference to anyone in life. Went deep, introspective, really thought about what I wanted to do, and law enforcement ended up being what I thought I'd be great at, and FBI was specifically the job that I wanted at the time. Unfortunately, the feds were on a hiring freeze so I had to wait. I guess the first time I took the test was probably six years later. In the interim I had met a brother of a friend of mine. He had moved down to Atlanta, georgia. He was working for Pan Am when they went bankrupt. The Delta picked up his whole welding shop and brought them down to Atlanta. He loved it, Said he needed to come down there. See for yourself the place is building up for the Olympics. It's great, very inexpensive to live there. I said you know what I want? To get out of New York I'm going to apply to the Atlanta Police Department and get some experience in law enforcement and then when the FBI becomes available I'm going to get on with those guys. So moved down there in August of 93. Ended up staying for a little over 10 years. It's funny. The FBI opened up the hiring again in like 97, 98.

Speaker 2: 3:59

I always did very well in standardized tests so I didn't study. I got a little cocky on the first one. It was a pretty difficult test so I ended up failing the test. It was algebra and trig that I had not seen in years and years. So you're allowed to retest a year later, which I did. I studied this time, passed, got flown to Fort Lauderdale, went before a board of FBI agents passed that. My next testing was a polygraph, which I failed, although I did not lie. This is why I cannot stand polygraphs, because they don't measure whether or not you're telling the truth. It's body's physical, physiological, physiological reaction to the test. So, um, that job became unavailable. And it's funny the way the universe works, because a few months later I had taken a test about three years before for my uh, one of my hometown police department suffolk county police that's east end, long Island and I received a letter about six months later stating that my number was chosen and I went through the whole testing process for those guys and I ended up getting on that job, moved back to New York in 03, october of 03, to where I stayed to my retirement in September of 2022. So I just want to backtrack, because I'm going to talk about, you know, ptsd that I discovered in the later years.

Speaker 2: 5:27

My first day in field training out of the Atlanta Police Academy so say we finished on a Monday afternoon I was assigned to a midnight tour. So the next night, tuesday night, we started at 11 pm and my shift went from 11 to 7 am. Within the first hour I had seen my first homicide Crazy story. It was an Atlanta fire captain who was suspended for messing around with young girls, decided to pick up a young prostitute that night 16 year old girl and then decided he wanted a small crack. So he goes to the local drug dealer, pulls up to a corner, goes to buy crack, the crack deal, looks inside and who does he see? But a 16 year old cousin pulls out a gun, shoots a guy in the head dead. So then my first hour, first homicide. Four hours later we get a call of a second shooting, second homicide.

Speaker 2: 6:19

I look at my buddy, who's also getting field trained. We're at the second scene and I look at him. I'm like sam, what did we get ourselves into? And it just, it was like the wild, wild west in atlanta. I cannot even tell you how crazy it was. I love the action but, um, you don't realize what a toll it kind of takes on your psyche. And it's not really. Those stories are bad, but in my thinking, these guys chose that life. It was two drug dealers and I don't know. It wasn't those things weren't really what took a toll on me. It was going through pain. You know, you see, heartbreaking, devastating carnage heaped upon good people. That's when it affects you the most.

Speaker 2: 7:15

I remember I got a call one day for a unresponsive 11-year-old. I walk in the door and the 11-year-old is face up on the floor in a living room, his mother and grandmother there, in hysterics. I fell for a pulse. He was cold to the touch. I knew he was dead instantly but there was no way I was going to not try to work on him right there. So I'm doing CPR while these three ladies are behind me in the worst moment of their life, and as I'm doing compressions, I can hear liquid in this kid's chest and, uh, you know, my medical training was not, uh, too high standards at the time, but I knew that should not be going on. So, uh, as it starts coming up into his mouth, essentially I put him on his side. Just then the fire department rolls in with the paramedics. I look at them like what is going on? And ends up he had bacterial meningitis, so he had passed away, unfortunately.

Speaker 2: 8:08

And you become callous because you cannot absorb all this pain that you're feeling. These poor ladies just lost their grandson, son, nephew respectively. And you're in the middle of that and you see this 11-year-old dead in front of you and you can't absorb that pain. If you do, it'll take you to places you don't want to be. So you learn to callous up, harden it we call it compartmentalize, but you bury. It is what you do.

Speaker 2: 8:40

And had I not gone to the hospital after that, where they had to give me a strong dose of antibiotics and told me to essentially quarantine myself for 48 hours, I would have gone back into service and gone to the next call. And how are you normal after that? You know you're still processing what you just went through, but bam, you're thrown into the mix and it's, you know, back in service. Give me the next call. So you just kind of learn to deal with it. There's no one that's at the time things have gotten much better now but there was no one you could go talk to. You talk to your buddies, and everyone blows it off.

Speaker 2: 9:21

It's weakness to show emotion as men, especially in this macho industry that we're in. So it's just an example and you can just build upon it. There's more and more and more and more, and it's year after year and no one tells you how to deal with that. You know, I've had people show me how to get big training in a gym. I've had people show me how to become a proficient fighter. I've had people show me how to become very proficient at firearms, but no one ever sat me down and taught me how to work through these things mentally and release this pain that you're feeling, and you don't even realize it's there. It just kind of builds up, builds up, builds up and eventually, unfortunately, we hit a saturation point and a lot of times it comes out in unhealthy ways. So let's see I'm going to fast forward to. I have so many stories like that, but there's really no need to tell them. It's just heartbreak on a grand scale. So fast forward to september 2020.

Speaker 2: 10:22

Um, I injured my back on duty, blew up, herniated four discs in one shot and we tried conservative treatment. About six months later, I had to get my first back surgery. So this is like april 1st of 2021. That actually corrected one problem, but, going in, my neurosurgeon had told me it's probably not going to correct the second. So, unfortunately, you may need a second surgery, and it didn't. He was right. So, about a year to the day, I had my second, which was a back fusion, and they retired me about six months later, in October of 2022. And I thought I was in a good place. I thought I was done.

Speaker 2: 10:59

I put almost 30 years in and no one tells you. Well, let me also say that from that point on, I had a workers' comp case that went on for another year. So essentially, for three years, I wasn't allowed to work, I wasn't allowed to volunteer, I wasn't really allowed to do anything out of the house, because they have people that follow you around with cameras. They want to prove that you're not really hurt. So I'm a very purpose-driven individual and I had no purpose, and that's one thing that you're waking up. I had a gym in my house but there was really nothing to do every day.

Speaker 2: 11:35

From having a job when I'm 12 years old to now, not being able to work takes a toll on you and now I'm not a part of this thing that was a part of for 30 years, and now I'm not this thing that I was for 30 years that you identify with. And you know, one of the biggest loves of that job is camaraderie, and the guys and girls are not there every day anymore. Unfortunately, that phone stops ringing, out of sight, out of mind, and collectively it started to take a toll and I was not feeling myself. I was not feeling happy. I'm a pretty happy guy Started getting I don't know, probably a slight depression and just was not feeling myself. Anger was popping up. I would be rude to my wife and I knew I was doing it. Afterwards I'm just like what are you doing? And uh, couldn't, couldn't help myself. You know it's weird to say, but I didn't, in some respects, nothing crazy. Don't let me, you know think that I was doing anything crazy, just being rude, just not a nice guy at times, and I just didn't like it.

Speaker 2: 12:39

And I was watching a Sean Ryan podcast. I'm not sure if you're familiar with him. He's a former Navy SEAL, he's got a pretty big following on YouTube and he was interviewing another Navy SEAL named Eddie Penny and Eddie was recounting the Extortion 17 incident and that's where Chinook went down in Afghanistan killing 17 SEALs, one of which was Eddie's best friend, and Eddie is recounting a story about him escorting his best friend's body back to his hometown. And he was visibly upset rightly so during the interview. And as he's crying, all I could think about was a call that I had a few years before of a two-year-old found floating in a pool. And as I'm thinking about that call, I just broke out crying. I don't want to say hysterically, but I was crying and my first thought was to look into my house to make sure that my wife would not return from shopping, because I would have been so embarrassed Because, again, as men we're not supposed to be showing emotion.

Speaker 2: 13:36

And especially the way I grew up, I grew up with a dad who was really tough. It was a contentious relationship and you know he basically said like you keep things to yourself, you keep them in, you don't show people, because then they think you're weak. So you know, it's kind of the way I grew up and it's funny, since I've started my journey in helping others, I've never. So if you are in these professions, these violent professions, one thing that I've seen is most guys have not had good relationships with their father and I don't know if we go into these things in spite of them or because of them. I don't know if we want to show them that we're tough or just because of them. They made us tough, they stoked this fire, but it is overwhelming. The overwhelming majority of men have not had good relationships with their father and that brings them into, um, these professions. And you know, I don't know if, again, if it's a catalyst and they're doing it um, we're trying to prove to them or, you know, in spite of them, but regardless, um.

Speaker 2: 14:44

So at that point I realized that all these feelings I had been experiencing, it was like a snap of a finger. I'm like I have PTSD, because all these other calls started popping up and they were all related to other people's pain that I had watched. I had been front row seat to what was going on with them and some of it was just heartbreaking. But they all started popping up and I realized that I needed help. But I didn't think the traditional therapy was going to do it for me. I can't imagine that I'd be speaking to a man or woman behind a desk telling them about these things that I've gone through and they're going to tell me how to get through them.

Speaker 2: 15:22

And as I'm watching Sean Ryan's show prior to Eddie's interview and post-interview, he's interviewing all these special force operators and they're all coming back broken men from war and these are some of the strongest mentally fortitude men you've ever seen in your life. But they're getting broken, but they're also healing. They're realizing that they're getting broken. But they're speaking to other operators who are telling them this can help you, this can help you, this could help you.

Speaker 2: 15:48

And at first I was a little pessimistic. But then I'm like who am I to be putting down on this stuff when these guys? They're saying that they're getting healed and it's ayahuasca, ibogaine, bufo, psilocybin, all these plant-based medicines. And in my head I'm just thinking how is this even possible? But I finally resigned myself to the fact that I have to try it, and my wife and I were planning a trip to Peru because I didn't think it was available in the US this is Ayahuasca specifically. So we moved to Florida at the end of last year, during the course of which my wife found a center called SoulQuest Ayahuasca Church in Orlando. We ended up going to retreat in the first weekend of March, this past March, and Rosalia, words dilute the magic of my experience Once I start talking about it. It was the most profound catholic experience I've ever had in my life and a lot of people say that they sense a female presence as I, as I journey.

Speaker 2: 16:57

Now, what you do is you drink the ayahuasca. It's made from two vines. They boil the vines, essentially get the juice, drink the juice and that's what's served to you. So you're essentially drinking it. Uh, it's the most powerful hallucinogenic in the world and you know one thing I tell people this is, it's not an enjoyable experience. You know people think it's a drug. You get high, nothing of the sort. You'll just kind of transport it to another dimension and you see and hear things that you never thought possible. Um, you know, people converse with their dead relatives. Um, you know some of the journeys that people explain that they've been on are just so incredible.

Speaker 2: 17:37

But mine was essentially as though I was looking at a big screen tv and I had a female presence in my upper left and they call that mother ayahuasca and I surrendered. You know, I went in there knowing that I was just gonna let whatever happened happen and I told her I surrender. I need help. Please help me. I I have to get rid of my ego. I want to get rid of this rage. I want to get rid of this anger. I want to become more empathetic. And it was like everything I asked for was like granted with like the snap of a finger.

Speaker 2: 18:09

And I remember, as the ceremony was going on, I was watching the volunteers in the facility tend to us and I'm like I'm just watching them Like man. These people are so graceful and loving and empathetic. I'm like that's the kind of man I want to be. And let me preface this by saying you know, my wife will hear this every now and then. She's like you sound like a monster when you say it, like you had no empathy or sympathy. She's like you're an empathetic and sympathetic man. I'm like I know, baby, but I wanted to be more of that.

Speaker 2: 18:39

And I remember one of the workers kind of walked by me and I was like, oh, I wonder where that effort's going. And it wasn't. It's just the way I speak. I wasn't trying to be rude or anything like that. It was just in my mind. And in my mind I'm like why do you have to say that like that? Just, you know a guy who's helping us and in my mind I'm like you don't have to refer to him like that, it's just not nice. And uh, it was amazing. I sat on that thought for like five minutes and I was like it's not nice, this, I'm gonna stop doing that.

Speaker 2: 19:15

And um, during this journey she mother I lost was bringing my father to speak to me. He's he's deceased and and he didn't show. It was amazing. It was like there was music going on. It's just so profound what actually happens in your mind. The music was like reaching to a crescendo in my journey, but in reality the music was staying at the same volume it was at and during my journey it reached crescendo and it just stopped. And in reality the music was still going on and I'm literally looking, waiting for my father to come down this alleyway and he just doesn't show. And I remember throwing my hands in the air and being like coward. I knew he wouldn't show, he can't talk about emotion, but all the stuff between he and I 50-something years was just released.

Speaker 2: 20:02

It was gone no longer and when I thought about it I just had no more ill will towards him. You know, I just kind of said, or she told me, like he did the best he could. You know, this is the way he was raised. You try to raise. You try to raise you to be a man. That's the way he was shown to do it and that's the way he did it. And uh, it, and that's the way he did it. And you know, I released it. Everything was. I had no more anger towards him, I had no more resentment towards him. It just is what it is.

Speaker 2: 20:36

And as I was coming out of the journey, I actually had two coworkers and friends who had committed suicide three weeks before. A week apart, the sergeant actually killed himself in our precinct locker room two days before he was getting promoted to lieutenant. It was mind-boggling, um, and I had no inclination to enter this field. But as I'm coming out of the journey just as clearly as you and I are talking, the universe told me I healed you. Your life's purpose is now to go forth and heal these first responders and vets, these men and women who are suffering like you are. She was like I put you through everything you've been through for a reason. It wasn't for naught, it's like, so you could go into that room and they're going to see the authenticity and that you're genuine and you know exactly what they're talking about. Everything that they tell you you've either been through, experienced, but it's not going to phase you and you can help them.

Speaker 2: 21:34

And I realized that was my life's purpose at that point. I just kind of had to sit down. It took me a little while to implement a plan, a few things that are still going on, but it was my life, life journey at that point. And after that weekend, I filmed a Facebook Live on Tuesday night and I cried on Facebook, which I never would have been capable of doing prior to that journey and had I done it I would have been so embarrassed, but I was so proud of myself for doing so. And I received four calls the next day, three from really good friends of mine, one who admitted to having a gun in his mouth and a not too recent past and I told my wife, like baby, I could have just saved one of these three guys' lives. Talking to them and I'm like, if that doesn't show me that this is my path, from this point on, nothing will. And I've never had so much passion for anything in my life and I've been passionate about stuff incredible.

Speaker 1: 22:35

That sounds beautiful, so let's dive into. Let's peel the onion slightly, yeah, okay absolutely um.

Speaker 1: 22:45

So I very much resonate with your journey and that's the reason why I reached out to you. We all deal with suffering, with trauma, with pain. In my dark night of the soul I went through suicidal ideation, mental health, depression, anxiety, you name it Very dysregulated nervous system, very unbalanced. I'm a nurse practitioner. I've been in healthcare for over 10 years, so you know I was always very scientific, not really looking at plant medicine as an option ever, but slowly but surely I definitely was called to the medicine. It was a very, very strong calling that I couldn't refuse. I could if I wanted to, but it was just so strong and it was just a knowing that I just knew I had to do it.

Speaker 1: 23:38

It was part of my soul plan to go through this journey and now, of course, in retrospect, like you mentioned, we see all of our challenges, our life journey, et cetera, as part of the whole plan, all along right, as part to build us up to who we are, to be able to share, to be able to relate to others that are on the journey, basically, just like we are. We're always growing, always evolving, absolutely, we're. We're always growing, always evolving. So how has so, for example, when you had that when you left your job and you had the back surgery and you lost purpose. A lot of people lose purpose for different reasons, whether it's an accident, a diagnosis, a divorce, whatever it may be. At that point, did you have to deal with, aside from depression, anything in regards to suicidal ideation or negative thoughts or intrusive thoughts or anything mental health related, anything at that point like the rock bottom part of that? On a more personal level, Dainty question.

Speaker 2: 24:47

I've never had and I'm very grateful. I've never had suicidal ideation, definitely experienced depression and my biggest gripe about my behavior was there was no consistency and it I knew that's how I was acting and it was not fair to my wife. And one thing when you, one thing you want from your mate is consistency. You just want to know how they're going to be day to day. You know hour to hour. Essentially, obviously, we all get in our moods. But I could be in a great mood and all of a sudden I thought pop in my head and get me in a bad mood and I'd be there the rest of the day. And one thing I've learned since I've entered this realm is, just as a bad thought can enter your mind, you can turn that around, put good thoughts into your head and think positively. And that's one thing that I took forward from that. And now when I speak to vets, first responders, I'm like perspective is everything, everything. Do not actually did it really yesterday, and I want to do this more and more because it's so powerful.

Speaker 2: 25:57

Don't look at yourself as a victim. Don't say why me. Don't say all I have is bad luck. No, it's the way you think. If you think the opposite way and empower yourself and thank the universe for every single thing it puts you through. I don't care how devastating and it's easy to say, but I just want to do something myself, personally, with my mom.

Speaker 2: 26:23

It was devastating to me. You must feel that pain. You cannot dull it with substances, like we all have. You cannot run away from it, like we all have. You must feel it. You must heal from it. You will come out the other side, a different person. You're going to evolve. You're going to be stronger, more resilient. That's something else now you can take with you and help someone else. You're going to do something.

Speaker 2: 26:49

I just went through that and, healed from it. I can speak to you from the first person perspective. This is exactly the way I was feeling. I know what you're talking about and it's happened multiple times since, with vets and first responders contacting me like brother or sister. I know exactly what you're talking about, but you cannot make yourself a victim. You're a warrior. Your mind is not going to reconcile the fact that you're a warrior that you're making yourself a victim. It's either or and you don't want to make yourself a victim. So you stay with that warrior mindset, as much as it hurts. I don't care if you're crying every day of your life until you heal through this. You will heal, I promise you that.

Speaker 1: 27:31

Beautiful. Yeah, I definitely love shifting my perspective and my paradigm as kind of like feel it, to heal it, and working a lot also with our nervous system. Because when you have a dysregulated nervous system and you're operating on fight and flight mode and just on that sympathetic nervous system instead of the parasympathetic, which is your relaxed, rest and digest state, it's very difficult to find safety in your mind, your body and your spirit Extremely difficult. I don't care if you have a great life, you can have everything and still feel a huge void and not be able to feel it and still feel like you're in a rot and still not be able to get out of it. So to me, what I found is that this healing, first of all it's ongoing. It's not a, you know, sit down with plant medicine and everything is happy and dandy.

Speaker 2: 28:20

Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1: 28:22

From my personal experience, it's kind of just like personal development, right it's. It's an ever evolving um thing, um, and for me it has a lot of moving parts, right. So, um, definitely, plant medicine. I attribute a lot to that. I had a near death experience.

Speaker 1: 28:39

I attribute a lot to that, um into putting me in my, in my life, my life's path, um, but also being able to to do breath work, being able to do movement, being able to incorporate mindful practices, being able to learn different tools to help me, because, instead of reacting which is I was running on that programming from my subconscious mind just being reactive to any outside circumstance, now I have tools, now I have a bigger awareness and a different perception and before I react, I can choose, so that I'm actually employing that free will willingly, right.

Speaker 1: 29:17

So it's kind of like, yeah, we have the pendulum, of course we're going to be taken off, you know, off balance, but then you know, kind of what to do. You have your techniques, your tools to kind of bring you back right back into that balance. So, uh, I feel like it's like we're working on our roots, like, right, you want to. Really, I feel like we've we have had such a disconnection to our soul, to our higher self. And it's okay if you don't can't relate to this, um, but um, that's just from my perspective. I forgot I had a soul.

Speaker 1: 29:50

I thought I was just this body, so I forgot that connection to my heart. I was just operating from all these archetypes, personas, max, all these things and forgot to make space to remember who I am right, remember why I came here and kind of look at, kind of zoom out of life, become the observer and kind of like, understand all timelines from, from afar, then being able. But then you do that plant medicine does that for you, that zoom out, that oneness perspective. But then there's the other aspect of that, which is what I'm going to ask you now, which is the integration portion of it. So I started my journey with plant medicine, energy work, all these things in 2018. And I can tell you I'm still integrating. I'm still it's like that's oh my God. And then I next year I'm like, oh okay, so same thing, but just a different perspective or perception of the same thing. So it's kind of keeps, keeps giving, keeps on giving. So it's just finding, finding that, that pearl or that gem in the Lotus, right, maybe we're in the mud right now, maybe we're we're in a place of darkness, um, but I promise you it is happening for you, it is it.

Speaker 1: 31:14

Time and time again it has happened in my life, throughout my lifetime, over and over and over, and I thought, oh, this is the end. I'm so, done that. Now for real, I'm just, I can't take it. I'm you, will your, your soul chooses a lot of stuff before incarnating, and it only chooses things that you can go through and and and come out on the other side. Everything is is really happening for us. It's just a process for us to get there to understand that perspective of it. So how has your integration been? That perspective of it? So how?

Speaker 2: 31:47

has your integration been? It's been good. I think that you know, on this higher consciousness journey now I'm learning a lot of things. You know more specifically about myself, but just learning I'm allowing things you know now to me, my adage is it is what it is. I don't get worked up. Everything's happening for a reason. The universe is putting me here. It's putting me there, whatever it's doing. If it's something that I like and it's not there anymore now, you have to pivot, go to something else. There's always something as another door and you know a couple of things I also learned is and I never really had I was an anxiety-ridden individual, but I think most anxiety is people looking backwards at their life, things that have happened that's already gone.

Speaker 2: 32:41

People looking at the future, at things that haven't happened yet. They're not there yet Live in the present. As you look back, I think people tend to stay there. Um, I actually had. It's funny, I've never done a drug in my life, but I had an opioid addiction and went to rehab in 2012.

Speaker 2: 32:58

Um, I was prescribed medicine for my back injuries and I'd taken it as prescribed for years and my first marriage was not going well. My family and she did not get along. I was trying to make everyone happy. No one was happy. Um, things would work at that point weren't going that great and I realized that if I was taking this medicine it was dulling all this pain. And then I just started taking more and more and more and more. And after my eighth seizure I looked at my uh, ex-wife and I'm started taking more and more and more and more. And after my eighth seizure I looked at my ex-wife and I'm like I can't stop and it was humiliating, embarrassing. She called my cousin at night to come over. It was probably 11 or 12 on a Sunday. I had to go to my parents' house the next day with my ex-wife and my cousin tell my parents that I had to go to rehab because I couldn't stop this myself.

Speaker 2: 33:45

I remember being in a rehab facility First night. I had like three roommates. I'm kind of looking around crying to myself like how did I end up here? You know hardworking kid, put himself through college, have a master's degree from Boston University. I'm sitting in a rehab facility. What are you doing? And I've forgiven myself since then. I made that mistake, but I can't sit there and dwell on it for the rest of my life.

Speaker 2: 34:17

And I remember a few months later, a good friend of mine, craig Cappellino, was dying of 9-11 related cancer when he was at Suffolk County Police Academy together Probably thought he was an NYPD officer and we used to have very in-depth discussions. He knew he was dying and I told him what I. I told very few people about my rehab experience. I'm like, cap, you're dying and I'm wasting my life. Man, I'm like I was isolating myself in my basement doing nothing and you have everything to live for. I'm like I almost wish I could swap spots with you right now, brother, and give you, like you know, my healthy life. And I was doing much better at that point, but I was still feeling guilty. And he's like Mike. He's like can't think like that. He's like you screwed up you. And he's like Mike, he's like can't think like that. He's like you screwed up. You're atoning for it now. He's like you're being a man. He took responsibility for your mistakes and he said the most powerful thing to me as he's dying. He died like.

Speaker 2: 35:13

Two months later.

Speaker 2: 35:15

He said I never asked God, why me?

Speaker 2: 35:17

He's like, why not me?

Speaker 2: 35:18

Who am I? He goes, why shouldn't I get cancer? And I started crying. It still gets me emotional and, uh, my cap is probably one of the most powerful things I've ever heard anyone say in my life, because most people would be like what was me at that point? And, uh, you know, I vowed after that discussion. I'm like I'm not wasting my life anymore and got off my ass excuse my French and did what I had to do to get my mind right and he passed a couple months later. I broke my heart, but it was so powerful those few words that he said to me why not me? Who am I? And that's the way I live my life, like anything that happens to me, who am I? The only constant in change, the only constant in life, is change, and someone's going to be good, someone's going to be bad. Take the good with the bad. Hopefully it's going to be a lot less bad, but you can't fight it, you know, and I always want to have a good attitude about anything that happens to me.

Speaker 1: 36:31

Again. If it's hurtfulful, I'll deal with that pain, I'll get over it, I'll never dull it again. And then bam, that's another tool. I have to help someone else.

Speaker 1: 36:35

You know that's the same conclusion I got to, and I've studied a lot of major world religions when I was looking for god outside of myself, um, and especially in the eastern um, there's this conception of just flowing with the Tao, right With what is, and especially all the great sages. They speak about living in the present moment. And I want to just kind of bring a little bit of light, and my perception of things is constantly changing. So whatever I share now may be different next year and may be definitely different than most people, which is okay changing. So whatever I share now may be different next year and maybe definitely different than most people, which is okay too.

Speaker 1: 37:09

I think it's beautiful for us to be able to hold space for all sorts of ideas and perceptions.

Speaker 1: 37:16

I believe that's how we grow.

Speaker 1: 37:19

So I'll say this after my work and my own personal journey, the way I kind of see it, where I stand right now, is to me, all lifetimes are happening now past, present, future, um, and being able to find being mindful like as I am drinking a cup of water, as I am speaking to my wife, as I am spending time petting my dog, as I'm with my being present, not thinking about the past or the future and I actually include this into past lives, parallel lives and all timelines Just being in the now is so, so important, and just trusting that higher intelligence, whatever it may be for you God, source, universe, love, whatever it is for everyone, is fine, it's beautiful.

Speaker 1: 38:12

I think it's a very individual relationship to be respected, because your God may be completely different than mine, and that's absolutely beautiful and I honor that as well. It's whatever helps you find that, and so to me, happiness is inner peace at this point, and to me that inner peace was filled by God's source love. Nothing else could fill it. I looked everywhere for it and I was not able to find it. And then now, trusting that higher intelligence, that everything that is happening in my life, even if it's cancer, for example, is happening for me, literally for the highest evolution of my soul. But getting to that place was not easy, place was not easy, and still so we're not exempt from any human emotion, from pain, from challenge from difficulty.

Speaker 1: 39:17

Um it, the only thing that has changed has been our perception, so kind of like a course in miracles. I don't know if you've read it. It's a very kind of dense book, but, um, of course, in miracles oh, it speaks just about that Um, it's literally 365 days of teaching you how to change your perception about your current reality. Um, so it's really quite a powerful book. Uh, to our list. Yeah, of course, in miracles it's a hard blue cover. I would grab mine, but my dog ate most of the hard cover.

Speaker 2: 39:45

I would grab mine, but my dog ate most of the hardcover part of it. What kind of dog.

Speaker 1: 39:49

Oh my, you won't believe it. It's a multi poo. It's little, but he eats everything and anything he can get his teeth. Like look, and I'll mail you my book that I wrote.

Speaker 2: 40:02

But look, that's my book. And he, those little teeth.

Speaker 1: 40:05

Yeah so, he he's, he's my book and he those little teeth, yeah so he's quite feisty.

Speaker 1: 40:11

But, yeah, integration has been and it still is a very big part of my journey. I'm still learning every day. I'm still trying to share as I go along with others. That's why I wrote. I've written books, I have the course, I have different things, just to share what has helped me. That that is pretty much it. It's kind of what I have here, here it is.

Speaker 1: 40:35

I hope that it may, it may serve you, and I can relate a lot to to your story, to your. I think you're a testament to how, if we take full responsibility and we actually are open to change, we don't need to know how or when or how it's going to come to us. The universe will orchestrate and bring it to us as soon as we're like okay, I want change, I want help, I'm ready. You know it is. I'll speak out of my family members and please tell me if you've had a similar experience. In my family.

Speaker 1: 41:07

We have addiction, we've had suicide, we've had all of that stuff, and the ones that have been not been able to get help has been because they have not allowed help, they have not asked for the help and they're close to the help, like even if you want to put them in the rehab, they don't need it, even if you want to say hey, listen, you know, I've been through a lot Maybe. Maybe we can talk and maybe I can kind of give you some pointers. Or where we can't save anyone unless they want to open at least a little window for you to like for, to hear why not me, even if it's a few words that can shift your, your, your life Right.

Speaker 2: 41:48

So absolutely have you encountered that within your own close relationships? Yeah, I think you know, even as I'm ongoing with with this new task of helping people, you know I've spoken to vets, first responders. One specifically who had a meth addiction has a meth addiction and he was getting an operation. I guess he had meth mouth. That's when your teeth rot out because you're not producing saliva when you use meth. So that's why the teeth rot. So he was getting a procedure to get dentures, I guess, put in. He was supposed to go to rehab and then he was going to coordinate the rehab with. As soon as he was finished he was going to fly out to Florida at SoulQuest and I was going to kind of greet him and bring him for an ayahuasca retreat.

Speaker 2: 42:38

Plans fell through. You know, speaking to him it's the old adage is you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. And look, look at my example when I went to rehab. If I refused it I wasn't willing to get help. Same thing when no one could have forced me. I mean, yeah, if you people are legally forced, they're bound by. Uh, you know, if they have a court catch court case and a judge makes them go to rehab. I have to go to rehab. They don't want to be there. Nothing is going to go on with 30 wasted days as soon as they get out and a lot of them like it because now the tolerance level is down, so they're going to get higher than they normally are when they come out. So you can't force anyone to do anything they don't want to do and you can only kind of show them what's going on. But if they're not ready, unfortunately, you know, and sometimes it hurts because yeah, yeah, I've seen situations where people take their lives. You're trying to help them. There's nothing you can do, unfortunately, you know. It's heartbreaking, but at the same point you know you have to heal through that and realize there's another person 10 feet away that needs your help as well. I'm not talking about if it's a close relative or anything like that, I'm just talking about in general. But yeah, sometimes it's devastating.

Speaker 2: 43:54

I have actually a very close friend that we used to work together and he's got severe PTSD and I was trying to get him to the ayahuasca, really any plant-based medicine treatment and I'm like, brother, please don't you trust me. I've had your life in my hands, don't you trust me? Now he's like, yeah, I trust you. I'm like I will come pick you up. It was about six hours away, I will drive you there, I will pay for it. And he's just not ready to take that leap. I'm like I promise you this will be life changing. It may not, you know, cure everything, but I promise you it's going to put you in a better headspace. And uh, right now I'm still. I've been trying for this going on a year now. It's very frustrating, but I can only do my best very frustrating, but I can only do my best.

Speaker 1: 44:46

Yeah, Tell us a little bit more about your purpose, your passion right now, where people can find you. What are some of the stuff that you're offering? Kind of like, shed a little bit more light into where you stand today, absolutely so.

Speaker 2: 45:02

I guess my biggest platform is my Instagram account. That is a team morgues T. E a M. Underscore M O R G S. Underscore I N C. Team morgues Inc. So there's where I post.

Speaker 2: 45:15

Um, a lot of stories, a lot of reels, um, I have been working with a healing center down here in South Florida implementing their Vets and First Responders program. They have some stuff going on management-wise right now. So that's on a pause which I hope is going to be quickly resumed, because that is just I can't even explain. It's so powerful to me seeing these vets come in. Just I can't even explain. It's so powerful to me seeing these vets come in. I was at one retreat where we had two vets who were suicidal coming into the retreat and the next day they said those thoughts of suicide were gone. I tell the integration portion after we drink the next day, I absolutely love. It is so powerful. You're hearing the most personal details of people's lives and the pain they've gone through, but the healing is so profound that most of the time I have tears running down my eyes when these people are telling stories and it's just incredible. So that's one center I'm working with. Again, universal shut that down at this point.

Speaker 2: 46:30

So now I'm pivoting. I'm actually in touch with another center right now. We're in talks to hopefully get a first responders program going with them. So as soon as that's done, I'm going to announce it on my Instagram. Additionally, I'm about to start a YouTube channel Instagram. Additionally, I'm about to start a YouTube channel that's going to be a kind of a multi-themed channel. What I want to do is some of it is going to be tactical teachings for current police officers. You know I have 30 years of experience and I know I bring a lot to the table. So I want to help these guys and girls who are current on the job and you know bring I mean I'm starting off with the minutia of the job, like how to put together, how to put together a gun belt, why I do what I do. I mean the smallest, slightest details that can help people and potentially save lives.

Speaker 2: 47:22

Additionally, a big component that's going to be mental health. So I want to do podcasts, just like you're doing right now, bring the mental health into focus and different treatment plans for these. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm also getting certified as a certified peer specialist. I just finished my educational portion of that. I now have to get my clinician hours done. Once I do that, I'll be working for an organization called Project Rebirth and they're kind of married into a lot of vets organizations and police organizations.

Speaker 2: 47:54

So if there's a member in crisis they'll contact us. I'll get a call, go out and speak to so-and-so and the beauty of it, it's HIPAA protected. So if I get someone who's in crisis and they have a substance abuse issue, I don't have to report it to the department. We can get them help, get them into a program, get them treatment. So you know, I have, I guess, a lot of irons in the fire. And my eventual goal I would love to open up my own healing center. That is my absolute goal.

Speaker 2: 48:27

So, as people say, say it's already happened.

Speaker 2: 48:28

I guess just the amount of time is the amount of time it's going to pass from now until when it happens. Who knows? But I am just in complete confidence that the universe has me on this path and I'm going to affect lives and that's all I want to do. I was telling somebody the other day I don't want accolades, I want nothing, but I'll be possibly walking through an airport. Someone taps me.

Speaker 2: 48:50

Are you mike morgan? Yeah, what's up, brother, I just want to tell you you saved my life. You know, I saw whatever you were doing. That's all I want, because that, to me, is the most powerful thing because, as you know, you save one. It's like a spider web on a windshield Once that thing rockets it. So many people are affected by that one person and if you save that one person, they're not going through all that trauma. Those children are not going through that trauma. That's how drug addicts are created, that's how many prostitutes are created. That generational trauma begins there. If you stop that and just think about any typical wake or funeral, all those people are there. None of those people are going to be there because they didn't get affected, because that person did not commit suicide. It's so powerful to me and that's my life purpose.

Speaker 1: 49:40

That is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

Speaker 2: 49:42

Thank you for sharing.

Speaker 1: 49:43

Thank you. Thank you for coming on today. It is really an honor to have you here to share what you're doing, and we're going to put all your information on the description below so that our listeners can follow. They can check out your page and see what you're up to and what your next projects are. Thank you again.

Speaker 2: 50:01

Thank you very much. It was an honor being here.

Speaker 1: 50:03

You're welcome, Michael.

Speaker 2: 50:05

All right, you take care.